Blog 10 Final Draft

A Hard life for Mothers

Women who become mothers face many barriers and obstacles that sometimes do not allow them to succeed. The mere fact of being a mother is very difficult, since this involves body and hormonal changes. In addition, the moment that a mother has her child in her arms, it means that her life has turned a hundred degrees. This is a drastic change that only women can experience. For that reason the role that women have in society is extremely important. Women must be in charge in order to be successful. However, what about the dream of being a professional and being able to succeed in a field or carrier outside the home? Some women have found it necessary to leave their studies, work and careers behind in order to raise their children. Moreover, mothers who work at home and outside the home have not been recognized.

Motherhood

According to the author of “Motherhood - Overcoming the Difficulties” (2007), this article explains the process of being pregnant and how to overcome different aspects after having a baby. Many women fall apart because they encounter many difficulties during pregnancy. For example, they have to deal with their physical changes and also with the aspect of being a new mother. Some of them have symptoms that make them feel bad such as fatigue, pain in the breasts and nausea with or without vomiting. Some women also experience abdominal cramping early and later on in pregnancy. These cramps are similar to menstrual cramps. They also experience nausea with or without vomiting, headaches, constipation, food aversions or cravings, mood swings, faintness and dizziness. Women face these entire problems during child bearing. However, after a baby is born, what are women supposed to do when they do not want to have sex or present a sign of post partum depression? The author suggests that relatives and women’s partners must understand and be patient with this terrible process that some women experience during the first three months of post partum. Due to the hormonal changes, again they work in a different capacity and returning to the state before being pregnant it takes some time.

Society

“The Cult of Domesticity and True Womanhood” (1910) written by Charles Gibson, states that the ideal woman during the period of the Civil War must be a virgin until she is married, otherwise she is considered impure. In addition, women’s submissiveness is another quality that society requires from women in order to get married and be able to do domestic work. Women have to be at home taking care of the children and doing house work. However, during the feminist movement that started in the eighteenth century, women were able to raise their voices in order to get recognition and education. The unfairness of being what society expects from us as women is the reason because women for a long time have been fighting for equality and equal voice in politics, employment, and rights equal to men. Sometimes society has been an influence on people’s mind because for a long time, many women have been oppressed and society has approved of it. Things have been changing a lot. At least women are allowed to get a job and an education in order to be able to support themselves, and not be dependent on their husbands anymore.

Mothers and Workforce

According to Han, Wenjui “Child Care Costs and Women's Employment: A Comparison of Single and Married Mothers With Pre-School-Aged Children” (2001), she writes in this article that many women have left the work force to take care of their children. It is very difficult to work and have children at the same time because children need supervision. However, in order to work, they have to take their children to a babysitter who is an unknown person. Sitters are often expensive. Often mothers are forced to leave their jobs because they cannot afford other expenses and can only pay the nanny’s fee. This is due to the minimum salary they earn, compared to men’s salaries in the same position. Many women have two jobs because when they come home, they have family chores to do. For instance, cleaning, laundry, cooking and checking their children’s homework, which is tiring and hard work.

Being a Mother is Also a Job

According to Yasmin Alibhai-Brown “Being a mother is a tough job, but wonderful too.” (2008). Mothers have a full-time job at home and this should be the highest salaried job compared to any field, in view of the fact that the only compensation is pure love. The task of mothers is present 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the protection of their children, and also house work. Usually, women become experts in nutrition, by giving to their children the right food to eat and a healthy way of exercising. For example, children must engage in energetic play. Mothers are also nurses because they make sure children’s needs are taken care of and their health is checked by good physicians. In addition, mothers are psychologists, because they give their children healthy doses of self-esteem and make sure their questions about life are answered in an appropriate manner. Also, mothers are teachers, because they monitor their children’s school studies and guide them through appropriate age lessons for their future when the children become adults. Mothers are administrators because they find the funds to care for their children, and save money and even make it stretch to invest in their future. Mothers are maids because they take care of their home by making sure it is safe and comfortable for them. Mothers are drivers because they get their children to where they need to go and when they need to be there. Furthermore, mothers are like sergeants because they teach to their kids the discipline that will make them balanced and tolerable to society. A mother is all of these things and more for all of her children, and this did not even include being a role model. Mothers are like superheroes because they are able to do and fight against everything just to protect and save their children from bad and negative influences.

My experience

I am a mother of three children. When I was pregnant, I felt scared because it was something strange and new to me. The changes were too many. The first five months, I lost approximately twenty pounds. The doctor recommended that I rest during the first three months of my pregnancy because I got anemia due to the nausea that did not allow me to eat as much as I usually did. In addition, I threw up everything I ate and my baby needed some vitamins. I was very sensitive about everything and cried easily. For example, any odor such as perfume also provoked me to throw up. During the fifth month of pregnancy, I looked like a skeleton and felt so ugly. On the other hand, when I was in my seventh month, I started to gain weight and had a huge appetite. I woke up at midnight to eat sour food such as lemons, oranges and tangerines. When I was almost ready to give birth, my belly was as big as a balloon. I barely could sleep. The last four weeks were so exhausting to me because the baby moved inside and it was painful for my ribs and my womb. At the same time, my legs were swollen because of water retention. Finally, the day of birth came and an excruciating pain in my hips prevented me from standing up. However, the doctors told me to walk as much as I could, so that my hip bones could become relaxed and could hold the contractions. The process of painful contraction of giving birth was approximately twenty hours. I remember like it was yesterday because it was a Thursday at noon and my baby was born the next day at seven in the morning. Having a baby was new for me. I did not know what kind of food a baby ate, how to bathe my baby and what to do when my baby was sick. I had to learn all these things by asking other mothers who already had experienced it. It was difficult to do on my own because I was alone, I did not have my mother or a relative who could help me or give me some advice regarding babies or even about life. I had my first child when I was nineteen years old.
I came to the United States when I just finished high-school in my country, Ecuador, without knowing the language, and having lot of debts to pay from traveling to this country. I had to work hard to pay the debts acquired in Ecuador and also to send money to support my parents. It was very hard to adapt to this kind of life which is a very busy and stressful one. I established my life in New York City, the place where there are many Spanish people. I rented a room which I shared with a roommate in order to be able to pay the rent. Also, because of my debts and my job schedule which were just a few of the many obstacles, I could not keep on with my dream of having a career in the health field. When I had my first baby, I could not go to college to start fulfilling with my dream. I started to work again when my child was one month old, in clothing factory because having a baby required not only nurturing her, but also giving her monetary support for things such as diapers, milk and clothes. I also needed an additional room for me and my baby. That meant renting a new apartment, which also implies more expenses. Therefore, I moved because that small room was too little for my roommate, my baby and me. Having a job and a baby was very complicated because I barely slept during the first three months after my baby was born. I left my baby with a babysitter and almost all my money went to her. When babysitters take a newborn baby, their fee is more expensive than for a toddler.
In a couple of years, I got married and had two more children. In total I have three children ages five, seven and eleven. I dedicated my life completely to my beloved three daughters. For that reason, again, I had to put my dream aside and choose to take care of them. Being a housewife is an important job because it includes many diverse responsibilities of tasks. There is no remuneration for overtime work and no time to take vacations. My typical day starts at six in the morning to make breakfast, clean up the house, prepare the children for school and take them to school. At ten in the morning, while I am watching my two year old daughter, I have to cook a nutritional menu that consists, of course because I am Spanish, of soup, rice and dessert. The menu is not ready until noon. Then my two year old and I eat it together, I wash the dishes, and again I have to get ready to pick up my other two daughters from school and serve them food, let them rest for a while and help them do their homework. After finishing homework, I have to plan some activities to keep them active, otherwise they want to sleep in the afternoon. As a consequence, they won’t let me sleep at night. In the evening, I have to clean up again the mess they make, give them dinner, and give my children a bath. It is a very busy day for a mother. All of this work without mentioning the tasks on the weekends, which consist of doing laundry, going to the supermarket and taking the children to a park.
It was not until I could bring my father to this country to help me with my children that was possible to work. Two of my children are in school and the last one is in a Day Care. While I am working, my father picks my children up and stays with them until I go home. Two years have passed since I decided to go back to school, but because of my father’s help, I had the opportunity to enter college to continue with my education that had been prolonged for a long time. Even thought I do not have enough time now to spend with my children, they are the reason why I will keep fighting to reach my American dream which is finishing my studies and having a career, that I love serving people who need me. In addition, my goals are being able to fulfill myself as a mother, professional and wife.